Intelligent dating uk
Recently I’ve found that quite a few readers place a high value on intelligence in their partners and it’s often the primary value that concerns them the most.
Without putting yourself fully into relationships and allowing yourself to be vulnerable and actually being relationship smart (as opposed to relying on your intellect and probably over intellectualising your interactions), relying on your intellect is basically like having an intelligent conversation with some sex and expectations thrown in and then thinking ‘Shazam!
Job done and I didn’t even have to stretch myself emotionally.’ There are a lot more controlled elements with intelligence in the wider sense.
For a start (and bearing in mind that biology wasn’t one of my favourite subjects at the convent school), the parts of the brain that we use for being intelligent are not the same as what we use for our emotions.
It’s also easier when you are intelligent and very good in your field because you follow a path, there are specific skills, methodologies, theories, textbooks etc that you follow and generate results.
Some are also natural aptitudes – something that most people just don’t have for relationships.
Being relationship and emotionally smart are different and are made exceptionally more complicated when you throw in libidos, experiences, interpretations, beliefs, values, how you’re raised, confidence levels, how emotionally available you are and of course your self-esteem.
There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to or desiring intelligent partners but like anything you place a high value on, it’s important not to be blinded by it and make assumptions about qualities, characteristics and values that they might possess with that intelligence.It’s equally important not to overvalue that same quality or characteristic in yourself and be blinded to other aspects of you or use it to compensate for real intimacy.Being intelligent is about having the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills.However being intelligent is not the same as being relationship smart, emotionally smart, or even street smart.If it was the case, many of the people who read Baggage Reclaim who are very intelligent or even super intelligent by some of their claims, wouldn’t be experiencing the problems that they do in their relationships and in general life.I know a hell of lot of people who have low or even zilch self-esteem that are very high achievers. Because they have the knowledge and the skills and can just ‘get on with it’, and particularly if they avoid their feelings and intimacy and bury themselves in their intelligence or work, plus they get recognition and feel respected and good in that field, it’s an easier way of getting validation.